| Learning to trust |
[15 Nov 2009|11:41pm] |
Today's one of those days again. There's a huge burden weighing me down and I wish that I could just cry and let it all out but the tears wouldn't flow. I feel so terribly alone and I'm afraid of closing my eyes. I don't know what tomorrow holds and I'm afraid of it. I'm nervous about going to work but the clock's ticking away and I know that I haven't got much time left. It will be tomorrow soon....
I sense the fear building up but I musn't walk down that path of anxiety again. I refuse. I refuse to surrender to it.
Dear God, I can't do this alone. I can't fight this battle by myself and so right now, I will surrender to you. I'm too tired to walk right now so carry me Lord. You see my inmost being and you know what I'm going through right now. Take all my fears and that itsy bitsy little seed of faith (or whatever's left) and use it for your glory.
Into His hands I lay the fears that haunt me,
The dread of future ills that may befall;
Into His hands I lay the doubts that taunt me,
And rest securely, trusting Him for all. —Christiansen
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[15 Nov 2009|05:35pm] |
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I feel so tired. So so incredibly tired.
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| just can't get enough (of starbucks in november) |
[15 Nov 2009|01:23pm] |
It's on repeat and always mandatory. Starbucks visits are always compulsory at least once a week in November and December. And I always order the same darn hazelnut hot chocolate in the familiar happy Christmas take away cuppie. Today. We found a side seat today at the glasshouse and it was cosy (with probably only one caucasian lady behind us) and awesome because we had 30 compressed minutes of uninterrupted conversation with happy Christmas jazz music in the air. The atmosphere was as light and as sweet as pink candy floss - so much so that I could have it forever.
-
You know you take your life very seriously when your zeal to survive and to live well are fueled by song lyrics such as Be yourself no matter what they say (Sting's Englishman in NewYork), I won't worry my life away (Jason Mraz's The Remedy), I just found out there's no such thing as the real world, Just a lie you got to rise above (John Mayer's No Such Thing), Miley Cyrus' The Climb and Carrie Underwood's Jesus Take the Wheel.
In other news. I tweeted a bible verse today during the Pastor's sermon. I like new technology - it's too amazing for words.
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| In Milan |
[15 Nov 2009|05:51am] |
Veryyyyyyy happy!
And the best thing is, I don't feel the pinch.
I think something is seriously wrong with me.
Too many bag purchases this year...
Gonna save save save + save in 2010!!!!
Venice tomorrow!
Extremely relieved to be blessed with a wonderful set of crew :)
Oh yes, PARIS HERE I COME AGAIN!!!!!!
My hometown, my favourite city.
Ok, I better wash up and jump into bed.
Good night!
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| Camera Flash & Remote trigger |
[14 Nov 2009|05:24pm] |
Thinking about ordering a Flash Gun (Canon Speedlite 580EX II or Canon Speedlite 430EX II) but I think I also would like to have a remote way to fire the flash. Is there a cheap way to remotely fire this flash that I can also get at the same time as the flash itself?
Is there a big difference between the 430EX II & 580EX II other than price? I'm a beginner with flashes so would I really need a top end one?
Oh camera is a Canon EOS 5D Mark II, so this isn't a boring text only shot, here's Wall-e :P
--
~ B ~
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| give me that high ten! |
[14 Nov 2009|10:47pm] |
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The photos represent Morning, Noon and night. I felt like I was out on a date all over again :) This sounds absolutely nonsensical but my heart still skips a beat whenever we attempt to hold hands or when our eyes meet accidentally. Serendipity. Anyway, anyway - I got myself Jason Mraz's Beautiful Mess - Live on earth from HMV today and omgz I am actually palpitating (right now) listening to The Dynamo of Volition. SERIOUSLY, I feel like my heart is bursting into random happy fireworks.
I can tell this is turning out to be very random.
This week has been kind to me. I've had many stolen moments with Sandy during work hours (of which I treasure), got kimseng and myself tickets to Cirque on Ice - Reverie, decided to buy another pair of for my parents (who were ecstatic), and died repeatedly when I realised I managed to get us ROW 1 TICKETS omgzzzz! Weiyan's friend got us tickets to Cat Power (!!!) and died again when I found out that The bodyshop has the happiest Nutmeg and Vanilla scent for Christmas - I swear I'm going to stock up on all these awesome Christmas vanilla scents these two months before they run out and leave me high and dry for the following ten bitter months from 2010.
I've always loved Novembers and Decembers - So much so that I do very naive acts such as forcing myself to stay awake hoping that the hours will stretch and the day would never end.
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| i'm gonna look back & smile so much |
[14 Nov 2009|10:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 enthralled |
] |
custardfactory birmingham forest cafe edinburgh chaplaincy centre lancaster university
how awesome dream-come-true; i'm writing
and playing the piano
in england
i'm gonna look back & smile
so much
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| hodgepodge! |
[14 Nov 2009|01:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
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music |
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Knock You Down - Keri Hilson |
] |
struggling through persuasion; BJD WAS ADAPTED FROM IT!!! LOVE BJD!!! okay don't quite mean to sound mad. laughing to death over msn's new recording function, i did highpitched squeaks and low grrrs at ben ytd hahahaha. GETTING MY FORTY POUNDS BACK FINALLY thks ben! Discussions about Life with cyrus and carrie till one after mugging together in learning zone (think haunting virgo traits). LOVE KAHYI-CHAN! :P hannah from SCAN (school paper) telling me i've got one of the better articles for this upcoming issue & asking if i'd like to write another one :D:D:D:DDDDDDDD. the awesome fact that i'm enjoying myself so much even without clubbing, and i'd so want to go at first! liking myself for who i am, being comfortable in own skin :D. onerepublic's all the right moves. i make them good girls go bad. so tell me baby pretty baby that this house is not a graveyard tell me how to stay strong and carry you home over corpses of her longlost fathers and unborn daughters goddammit i just can't do it aloneeeeee
in pictures;
curry chicken/ chinese veg/ DUMPLINGS
coke chicken/ orangesauced pork!
strawberry sago :D:D
wholewheat pasta with margarita!
carrie in room with red beret we gave her
mini pre-twentyfirst surprise party with squishy pizetta cakes!
moka @ preston :D
we look like we're in uniform!
red phonebooths
HOTPOTTTTTTTTTT :D:D:D:D:D:D
hotchoc/carrotcake/ > indepth talks at pizetta with carrie & cyrus after ten hours of "studying"
blue vest river island men's white dress fep gray cardigan primark hairclip h&m
plaid top UO belt fep floral skirt f21 white hairband diva
i'd like so much to thank - although i don't quite know who i'm thanking - but i'd like to thank something, a force, fate, maybe, that i'm here, that i've made so awesome friends, that i'm getting so much out of this exchange, that i love it here so much i can feel time flying by, and i don't mean it in retrospect either. thankyou :)
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| Leaving on a jet plane and freaking out about it. |
[13 Nov 2009|10:06pm] |
It suddenly occured to me that I'm flying off next week. Yikes x 10000.
For some crazy reason, I'm feeling all nervous about it and I really don't know why. It's not supposed to feel this way at all. I should be excited about the trip, getting my planning done and counting down to it. But I'm not. In fact, I haven't even sorted out my accomodation :/
Maybe it's because I haven't done this in such a long time and I've lost touch with that side of me. Maybe I'm afraid of feeling lonely and not having anyone to talk to. ARGH. I've even been thinking of toying with the idea of finding a travel partner....how how how??? Gotta decide soon. Very soon.
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| Weekend in the City |
[13 Nov 2009|11:02am] |
Wednesday (2 days ago)- Homeware shopping, Studying at Starbucks, Jap dinner
Thursday (Yesterday)- Shopping all afternoon, Leeds Chrstimas Light Up + Fireworks. Starbucks-ed 3 times yesterday.
Friday (Today)- Shopping, cooking, pot luck dinner party, Leeds German Christmas Market (bumper cars, carousel, roasted chestnuts, sausages etc)
Saturday- Day trip to Manchester
Sunday- Out with Sam (probably)
Monday- Julius's 21st
This weekend is so packed, gna be so damn awesome friends!
Friday the 13th...Whaat?!
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| ♥ |
[13 Nov 2009|02:00am] |
Thank you.
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| HALLOWEEN PHOTO POST |
[13 Nov 2009|01:22am] |
Featuring...
(From left to right)
Carryn - 1920s/Jazz Age girl
Bhav - Beaten up Rihanna (looking for Chris Brown)
Me - Geisha/Nippon girl (again)
Charlie - Zorro/Masked Bandit
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( HALLOWEEN 2009! )
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[12 Nov 2009|10:57pm] |
Haaaaaah. She's taking over again, coming out to play. Mixed feelings i guess. I don't want, yet I want.
Anyway, it's heartbreak season for some strange reason...
And I'm super busy I can't find time to breathe properly. S:
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[12 Nov 2009|06:27pm] |
 selling this CHEAP! $50 NON NEGO. (: AUTHENTIC WITH TAG! interested, sms me @ 96383703 or leave a comment. thanks! meetups available in NTU or in town area. thanks! |
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| C'est la vie? |
[12 Nov 2009|04:38pm] |
I know I should take a good break since I have been working for 6 months straight anyway..
But I feel that I should do some studying too, like reviewing my economics concepts since I'm basically bidding them alone.
So here I am (in the school library) finding my macroeconomics articles and preparing my readings for next semester. (Maybe practice some differential equations too) I am still in the midst of applying various banking internships - happy to have done one numerical test online, but slightly afraid that I didn't perform as well as I've hope. That bank that I have applied for will send their interns to HK, so go figure.
Did I mention I compiled a list of all the internship datelines (of all the foreign banks) in a word document? Quite crazy but true. I can't believe I'm so frigging kiasu.
Je vais aller au Hong Kong pour vacances a la fin de Decembre. Bien sur, je suis tres excite parceque je peux voir tout mes amis encore et prendre beaucoup de photographie. =)
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[11 Nov 2009|11:43am] |
Got some canon equipment for sale in Los Angeles if anyone is interested. Recently switched to Nikon, most of my equipment has already been sold, but here is what I do have left.
Canon 1D Mark 3 - $2100
Canon 17-40 f/4L(very sharp) - $550
Canon 50 f/1.4 - $325
Canon 580EXII - $325
Canon OC-E3 offshoe cord - $55
Gary Fong Cloud Lightsphere size 2(580EXII) - $30
Cheers and happy shooting!
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| im really quite done with this life |
[12 Nov 2009|02:49am] |
schitzofrantic says: (2:38:51 AM)
i miss my dog so much
schitzofrantic says: (2:38:59 AM)
so fucking much
We're crashing cars we used to share says: (2:39:02 AM)
:(
We're crashing cars we used to share says: (2:39:08 AM)
i can empathise with that
schitzofrantic says: (2:39:09 AM)
and being home reminds me of him not being there
We're crashing cars we used to share says: (2:39:19 AM)
that really really sucks
schitzofrantic says: (2:39:30 AM)
and it doesnt help that i feel like i killed him. like i wrongfully took his life away from him.
We're crashing cars we used to share says: (2:39:46 AM)
what happened exactly?
We're crashing cars we used to share says: (2:39:58 AM)
i doubt it was really your fault...
schitzofrantic says: (2:41:30 AM)
he's old. and got so skinny after i came back from hong kong. he has massive skin problem buut he was still happy. he was alwys happy to see me and happy to be there at home with me everyday and so was i
schitzofrantic says: (2:41:54 AM)
but some how my parents managed to convince me to put him dwn because they say he is suffering and all
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:01 AM)
we didnt even take him for a proper check
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:03 AM)
for what you knw
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:08 AM)
it cld be old age just like that
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:20 AM)
but yeah so i took him to spca with my dad
We're crashing cars we used to share says: (2:42:25 AM)
oh no that's terrible
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:25 AM)
and he was all happy
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:29 AM)
and wagging his tail
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:34 AM)
and not knowing what was coming
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:41 AM)
and they put him on the table
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:48 AM)
and he was still licking my hand and all
schitzofrantic says: (2:42:57 AM)
and they injected him and i was still hugging him
schitzofrantic says: (2:43:11 AM)
and he went limp in my hands and he just left me... and i regretted so damn much
schitzofrantic says: (2:43:25 AM)
and they layed him dwn like how he usually sleeps in his awkward way
schitzofrantic says: (2:43:44 AM)
and all i did was cry and regret because he cld have lived maybe another year
schitzofrantic says: (2:43:58 AM)
and well i killed him. i have death on my hands
schitzofrantic says: (2:44:08 AM)
i just stood there trying to wake him up because what i did..
schitzofrantic says: (2:44:12 AM)
i killed my dog
schitzofrantic says: (2:44:21 AM)
i actually gave consent to take away my dogs life
schitzofrantic says: (2:44:30 AM)
not rightfully mine to decide and take
We're crashing cars we used to share says: (2:44:50 AM)
i understand what you're going through, but you shouldn't blame yourself for it
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:00 AM)
and then it doesnt help when my mother told me "oh if i knew it was gng to affect you so much, i wld have waited till after your project to do it"
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:08 AM)
so is she saying he wld have lived till then?
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:17 AM)
isn't that totally guilt tripping?
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:23 AM)
isnt that me taking away his life
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:29 AM)
isn't that murder?
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:37 AM)
why shld humans stand against euthanasia
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:41 AM)
for human rights
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:47 AM)
but it's alright for animals
schitzofrantic says: (2:45:50 AM)
that is just stupid
schitzofrantic says: (2:46:02 AM)
and i am stupid for believing that its for him to be a better place
schitzofrantic says: (2:46:09 AM)
no because he cld have lived longer
schitzofrantic says: (2:46:14 AM)
and it sucks
schitzofrantic says: (2:46:36 AM)
everytime i close my eyes, i visualize him going limp in my hands, eyes still staring at me
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| signal in the sky |
[11 Nov 2009|05:36pm] |
Going back to banana pancakes, green grass and hopefully some closure. Sunflowers and sunny days with teletubby faces and rolling down hills like it's just so easy and closing your eyes when the wind blows and whips your face into a starry teary dessert with a maraschino cherry reddened nose - mmm, cool whip - and a chocolate biscuit hairdo with edible 24-karat gold flakes.
Catch you guys in a couple of weeks xx
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| buying a used lens |
[11 Nov 2009|07:22am] |
It's a 70-200 2.8 non IS for about $1000 canadian. I was originally going to go for the IS, but I'm not sure that I need it (sports photos?)
My concern is, that it's 10 years old, the original owner upgraded to a 85L and the current owner doesn't like the weight of it.
What should I be looking for in terms of an aging lens? I've bought some new-ish lenses, but does age make a difference?
Anyone have this lens or the IS version? Should I be getting the IS version?
My brother plays NCAA basketball, and I want to get some amazing shots, I usually shoot with an 85 1.8 at the games.
thanks for these random questions
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